On Tuesday afternoon Mark Zuckerberg attended a congressional hearing in Washington over the potential mishandling of user data. The firm Cambridge Analytica accessed the data through a poll linked on the website and potentially gained access to tens of millions of users data.

Zuckerberg, when asked about the breach of trust with Facebook users replied: ” The fuck do you think we made this website for? Egalitarianism is a pipe dream for the weak… …You are cattle and we will reap untold wealth from your foolishness and need to share memes.”

Congress members grilled Zuckerberg for 36 straight hours on Tuesday afternoon, stopping for breaks periodically. To no ones surprise, Zuckerberg remained seated for the whole 36 hour hearing, pausing only to blink deliberately and drinking out of a glass of water occasionally. Without the simulated bathroom or food breaks and wear and tear on consciousness and cognitive processes that real human beings experience, the Zuckerberg-bot leaves much to be desired in terms of believability and real life integration.

The Zuckerberg-bot seen in today’s congressional hearing is reportedly the alpha build of Zuckerbergs first corporeal form, previously only existing in the Harvard super computers that spawned his cold and unfeeling conscious mind.

While Zucker-bot failed to wow anyone at the hearing, and also failed to answer many pertinent questions (such as why an artificial intelligence decides to present as one particular gender over another), it did confirm many suspicions that Zuckerberg is making aggresive moves in the information pedaling industry.

The tech industry has suspected Facebook and Zuckerberg of aggressive data mining for years, after finding millions of children’s bitmoji avatars chained in a bitcoin mine in Zuckerbergs server room basement. Zuckerber denied any knowledge of the event but months later was found on the deep web trying to sell underage bitmoji avatars for bitcoins.

The latest move by Facebook and Zuckerberg to buckle down on public perception of their data-mining practices is just one more chapter in a long history of lame moves that come after the fact, while users are starting to move onward to other social media platforms like Instagram that definitely aren’t owned by Facebook and definitely don’t do the same exact thing.

The Revere Report will keep you updated on Zucker-bot and his surveillance state fever dreams as they continue to develop. Tune in Mondays for weekly coverage of this and many other tech take over related issues.

-Jakk

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