Early human history is often a contentious point in modern times. The growing movement of at-home-anthropology has created an undercurrent within the field of anthropology that can probably no longer be ignored. People are waking up to the fact that there’s little in the way of photographic evidence to support any of the prevailing theories on early human development, so just about any theory is valid in today’s world.

Researchers in private groups on the social media site Facebook have been digging (metaphorically) for clues about where humanity came from for years. Many of these researchers have watched at least four and sometimes even five documentaries about the subject of extraterrestrial influence on early humanity. From the excavation of old memes and eyewitness accounts typed in all caps and broken english, verifiable details have come to light that may lend some weight to the ideas.

Researchers in the Facebook group “Reptilians, UFOs & Conspiracies” have come up with an interesting point. Why are the bodies of pharaohs still found, who are thousands of years older than Jesus Christ, yet we can find no bodies of any religious figures from the Bible? This question has moved at least two people to provide possible explanations for the seemingly groundbreaking fact.

One possible explanation is that Jesus and his Bible buddies were all actually extraterrestrials themselves. Perhaps early humanity was a total shit show (like Capitol Hill in Seattle on a Friday at midnight status) and observing extraterrestrials decided to lend a helping hand in order to guide humanity down a more gentle path of compassion and exploration and growth. They could have come down and posed as humans in order to influence human behavior for the better in the long run (as evidenced by groups like The Westboro Baptist Church), keeping us from giving in to our animalistic nature. After Crucifest, Jesus probably would have left, as his job on Earth was done. This would leave no trace of his body anywhere on the planet, and would also lend some weight to the saying “Jesus watches you while you masturbate.”

The other prevailing theory is that the Egyptians themselves were the aliens and that Christ and kin were just normal humans that decayed as usual. Everyone knows for a fact that the Egyptians would not have been capable of building the pyramids without the help of machinery and advanced math that they did not possess to our knowledge. One researcher named Lebogang Omar Tlhoaele said “remember Egyptian where using technology,” which put some of this into a contex to be sure. The idea that Egypt was, in fact populated by aliens, could maybe make some sort of sense out of the fact that the bodies of pharaohs don’t decay as quickly if you ignore mummification.

For additional angles to consider, a researcher named Gee Pace said: “The Universe, your inner spirit voice, the life-force all around us… thats all it is people – NOT the same old bibble babble everyones conditioned to believe in generation after generation!!”

Wise words for all of us to consider.

While no one knows the answers to these conundrums for sure, many researchers are ditching the arduous process of schooling for a more wibbly wobbly free form dialogical form of education. In an age of ballooning education costs, and an ever growing online accessibility to other people who have poorly thought out ideas that theyre capable of typing at least legibly enough for you to get the basic premise of (usually), this type of self education just (about) makes sense. We are likely to see many groundbreaking ideas put forth on todays public discussion forums, and hopefully we can all (except 4chan) help to shed some light on the darkness that haunts us all: the unknown.

Stay vigilant

-Jakk

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